heroes on every barstool

me at parties: and so thats why mandatory minimum sentencing for nonviolent crimes is unconstitutional and needs to be struck down
Bae: babe come over
Me: I just put my bagel bites in the oven
Bae: my parents aren't home
Me: I literally just put them in the oven


ships u know are queerbaiting trash yet u fall for it. u fall for the breadcrumbs because ur so desperate. ur trash and the writers are trash but by god u will go down with that ship


he’s cute but i’m not liking his selfie because i want him to know he ain’t shit




my type of girl is “girl” and my type of boy is “stand 20 feet away and fill out a form about your political views, give me references, tell me where you want to be in five years, please buy moisturizer and do something different with your hair and we’ll consider your application and get back to you in 20 business days”


"what are you doing?"

probably thinking about sex or food or both.


*identifies the cutest boy in the room .5 seconds after entering*